Browse quotes by author:
- "A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "
- "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank ..."
- "Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "
- "Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a ..."
- "Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "
- "Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what ..."
- "Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "
- "Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. "
- "Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "
- "I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which ..."
- "I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at ..."
- "I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally. "
- "I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "
- "I drink therefore I am. "
- "I hear the tusks are looser in Alabama. "
- "I like children - fried. "
- "I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, ..."
- "I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "
- "I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. "
- "I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. "
- "I never met a kid I liked. "
- "I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. "
- "I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "
- "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in ..."
- "If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
- "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull. "
- "It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. "
- "It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy ..."
- "It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "
- "Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed. "
- "My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it? "
- "Never give a sucker an even break. "
- "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "
- "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and ..."
- "Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim ..."
- "Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice. "
- "Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a ..."
- "Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like ..."
- "Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "
- "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "
- "Stop following me, are you following me? That'll get you twelve years at Leavenworth, or ..."
- "The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart. "
- "The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to ..."
- "There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull ..."
- "W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. "I'm ..."
- "Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to ..."
- "You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. "
