"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."

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More quotes from: Doug Larson

• "A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. "
• "A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. "
• "A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success! "
• "Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. "
• "Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours. "
• "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. "
• "For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left ..."
• "Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of ..."
• "If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would ..."
• "If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of ..."
• "If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a ..."
• "Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to ..."
• "Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as ..."
• "More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the ..."
• "Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days. "
• "Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe. "
• "Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know ..."
• "Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. "
• "The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge ..."
• "The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting ..."
• "The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others. "

• "The reason people blame things on previous generations is that there's only one other choice. "
• "The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. "
• "The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate. "
• "The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment. "
• "There are few things more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own. "
• "There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware. "
• "To err is human; to admit it, superhuman. "
• "Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, opulence is ..."
• "Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it. "
• "Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred ..."