"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

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More quotes from: Dave Barry

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• "Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. "
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• "Genes are little items that are found in every living thing except Sen. Alfonse D'Amato. "
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• "Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. "
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• "I am not a violent person. I am a product of the Flower Power '60s. ..."
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• "I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument ..."
• "I believe many Harley guys spend more time revving their engines than actually driving anywhere; ..."
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• "I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "
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• "Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five ..."
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• "MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz. "
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