Quotation:
"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids."
More quotes from: Erma Bombeck
- "A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. "
- "A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her ..."
- "A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend-and he's a priest. "
- "All of us have moments in out lives that test our courage. Taking children into ..."
- "Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. "
- "Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to ..."
- "Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you ..."
- "Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts ..."
- "Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs ..."
- "Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. "
- "Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. "
- "Education is so important when it comes to domesticity. I don't know why no one ..."
- "Everyone is guilty at one time or another of throwing out questions that beg to ..."
- "For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not ..."
- "For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into ..."
- "Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're ..."
- "God created man, but I could do better. "
- "Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come ..."
- "Great dreams... never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of ..."
- "Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. "
- "Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in ..."
- "House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go ..."
- "Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. "
- "Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. "
- "How come anything you buy will go on sale next week? "
- "Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, it's ..."
- "I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. "
- "I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense ..."
- "I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, ..."
- "I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a ..."
- "I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their ..."
- "I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are ..."
- "I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman ..."
- "I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only ..."
- "I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too ..."
- "I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. "
- "I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself." "
- "I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing ..."
- "I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it ..."
- "I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. "
- "I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage ..."
- "If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally ..."
- "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. "
- "In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. "
- "In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from ..."
- "It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car ..."
- "It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion ..."
- "It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. "
- "Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to ..."
- "Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up ..."
- "Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" ..."
- "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car ..."
- "Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. "
- "Mother's words of wisdom: "Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!" "
- "My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until ..."
- "My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the ..."
- "My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block ..."
- "Myths that need clarification: "Everyone in California lives on a white, sandy beach." False. The ..."
- "Myths that need clarification: "No matter how many times you see the Grand canyon, you ..."
- "Never accept a drink from a urologist. "
- "Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. "
- "Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all ..."
- "Never have more children than you have car windows. "
- "Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. "
- "Never order food in excess of your body weight. "
- "No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who ..."
- "No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday. "
- "On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off ..."
- "Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw ..."
- "One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of ..."
- "Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time. "
- "People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or ..."
- "Phrases and their actual meanings: "My teacher has never liked me." Expect a phone call ..."
- "Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. "
- "Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket ..."
- "Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. "
- "Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into ..."
- "Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take ..."
- "The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served ..."
- "The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and ..."
- "The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy ..."
- "There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've ..."
- "There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and ..."
- "There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look ..."
- "There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that ..."
- "There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a ..."
- "There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and ..."
- "What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions ..."
- "When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's ..."
- "When humor goes, there goes civilization. "
- "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that ..."
- "When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty "just adding water." Now ..."
- "When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere ..."
- "Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a ..."
- "Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. "
- "You become about as exciting as your food blender. The kids come in, look you ..."
- "You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't ..."
- "Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can ..."


