"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."

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More quotes from: Erma Bombeck

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• "Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. "
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• "Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come ..."
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• "House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go ..."
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• "I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. "
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